Lessons in Conflict Resolution

More than once, Amelia (not her real name) had been suspended from her after-school care program. Then, following a particularly serious incident, she was at risk of being permanently expelled.

“I had returned to college full time and losing child care was going to be devastating for my family,” Amelia’s mom said. “I felt like I had the tools to succeed as a parent, but I was at the end of my ability to resolve this on my own. I wondered where I had gone wrong as a parent to cause this behavior.”

There doesn’t seem to be an objectively right way to raise children. One approach does not fit all, advice isn’t always helpful and parents may become so frustrated that they lose their cool.

“At home, we were having problems,” the mother said, “but it was more her getting kicked out of school activities that had us seeking help.”

Help came in the form of the Anchorage Children’s Home’s Stop Now and Plan (SNAP) program. Years after they enrolled, the family is still discovering benefits from what they learned.

Championing the cause for Anchorage is director Naret Morales.

“I work at Anchorage because I am passionate about keeping families together and helping them find ways to work through conflicts and challenges, so they don’t have to separate,” Morales said.

Anchorage is more than a children’s home; the nonprofit also offers individual family counseling services, group counseling for children engaging in antisocial behavior, transitional housing and more.

Toys brighten a classroom at the Anchorage Children’s Home and may be used as teaching tools. Photo by Mike Fender

Nonprofits are challenged to find ways to meet the needs of communities with limited resources. The dedicated team at Anchorage both extends resources to people in need and helps them move past barriers separating them from resources for which they qualify.

“I’ve lived in Bay County my whole life, but it wasn’t until someone at Girl’s Inc. reached out to me that I found out what Anchorage is and what they do,” Amelia’s mom said. “The program may not be well known, but it needs to be.”

Participants in the SNAP program are provided with dinner and child care for the participating child’s siblings. Additionally, families that wish to utilize the family counseling services may not even need to arrange transportation.

“We meet the families wherever is most convenient for them,” Morales said. “That could be in their home, at school or here in the office. We’ve even met with a family in parks as long as we could find someplace private. We make it work. We really try to make the experience not so much of a burden. We try to make it easy and convenient for them.”

Amelia’s mom knew she would not be able to attend SNAP meetings if not for the child care provided for her other children. Knowing that dinner was taken care of permitted her to focus on SNAP sessions, allowing each lesson to really sink in.

“I cannot say enough about the facility,” Amelia’s mom said. “I consider myself to be a smart person, but some of the things they would say caused me to think, ‘Why didn’t I consider that sooner?’”

During weekly sessions, counselors provide notecards that describe scenarios and offer tips for how best to handle each situation. Once a month, the groups come together for role-playing sessions. They act out behaviors that they used to engage in and then play roles consistent with the lessons they have learned at Anchorage.

Staff member Kyntera Speights leads a SNAP session with three Anchorage Children’s Home residents. The sessions help children relearn behaviors that have produced conflict in their lives. Photo by Mike Fender

For example, parents may have a tendency to bombard a child with a list of chores to be done: walk the dog, wash the dishes, take out the trash, etc. Instead, counselors advise that they use a gentle tone, assign one task at a time and then ask the child to return for instructions on their next task.

“Breaking those tasks into smaller items helps to not overwhelm the child — that seems simple, but we just never really think about it,” Amelia’s mom said. “We were with other parents just like us, going through the behaviors in a way that normalized my own behaviors and learning how I could best respond rather than just reacting.”

Four years after successfully completing the SNAP program, Amelia’s family is still using the tools that Anchorage provided.

“These tips stuck with us — rather than getting mad, now we stop and think about the best way to handle a situation; now we can stop the behaviors from becoming problematic in the first place.”