Yule Tunes

Oh, the sounds of the season — a genre as polarizing as pineapple as a pizza topping or American politics. Some revel in the nostalgia-inspiring tunes of Jingle Bells and Deck the Halls, while others hasten to complete their holiday shopping to escape the department store’s drone of schmaltzy, earworm-inducing carols.

Love it or hate it, there’s no denying that some artist’s renditions of Christmas classics are superior, and that some, truly, should have never been recorded. In an effort to elevate the Christmas spirits and playlists of Grinches and Whovillians alike, we have compiled a list of the best (and worst) holiday albums to spin this season.

➺ BEST: Bing Crosby, White Christmas (1945) 

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One of the most iconic Christmas albums ever made, the beloved baritone’s compilation ranges from the wistful sentiments of I’ll Be Home for Christmas to the plucky, upbeat Mele Kalikimaka.

Having sold over 50 million copies as a single, the album’s title track is widely regarded as America’s favorite Christmas song — and for good reason.

We may be old with kids of our own, but the colder, shorter days have us all reminiscing about the joyous, traditional holiday gatherings of yore.

➺ WORST: The Chipmunks, Christmas with the Chipmunks (2008)

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We’ve all heard it. “Christmas, Christmas time is near, time for toys and time for cheer,” comes the grating, high-pitched voice of Alvin and his anthropomorphic rodent brothers over your radio, effectively sullying any cheer you may have had.

This reissued album includes not only one of the most universally detested carols of all-time, The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late), but the gimmicky cartoon’s defilement of 19 other seasonal standards — including White Christmas.

➺ BEST: Elvis Presley, Elvis’ Christmas Album (1957)

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The King of rock ’n’ roll was known for pushing the envelope when it came to musical genre, dance and style, and for him, the gospels and gushes of Christmas were no exception: Even the most wonderful time of the year can bring on the blues.

While sprinkled with crowd-pleasing, secular standards, it’s the raw, bluesy grit of Santa Claus is Back in Town, and the ever-devastating Blue Christmas that, according to Billboard, cements this album as the bestselling Christmas record of all time.

➺ WORST: Regis Philbin, The Regis Philbin Christmas Album (2005)

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Perhaps you’ve heard of the contemporary controversy surrounding the lyrics of Baby It’s Cold Outside, said by some to suggest predatory behavior and dubious consent?

Take a listen to the late television host’s rendition, featuring a questionable duet with his wife, and you’ll suddenly understand why.

Boasting 12 tracks that will have you asking, “Why, just why?” again and again, this obvious cash-grab is enough to kill festive vibes anytime, anywhere.

➺ BEST: Johnny Cash, The Classic Christmas Album (2013) From I Hear the Bells on Christmas Day

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Then pealed the bells more loud and deep,

God is not dead, nor doth He sleep

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail

With peace on earth, goodwill to men.

The Man in Black released several Christmas albums throughout his prolific career, and this soulful collection ranks at the top. Featuring signature songs and noels such as Little Drummer Boy and Joy to the World, Cash’s compilation is drenched in passion and profundity.  

➺ WORST: David Hasselhoff, The Night Before Christmas (2004) 

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If you didn’t know “The Hoff” has a musical career before now, you’ve got some catching up to do. The Baywatch alum has recorded over a dozen albums across the decades and, like any serious musician, figured a holiday record was an appropriate rite of passage.

You know it’s bad when it kicks off with a reverberating, nightmare-fueled narration of ’Twas the Night Before Christmas (recall Gene Wilder’s performance of the tunnel scene in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory).

The dissonance only grows worse from there. Visions of sugarplums, there are not.

➺ BEST: Ella Fitzgerald, Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas (1960) 

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Even if you don’t identify as a jazz nut, there’s something about the sweet, soulful pipes of Ella Fitzgerald that feels like a cup of cocoa on Christmas morning.

Though familiar, it feels as if the selection of quintessential carols is recreated through the swinging arrangements and Fitzgerald’s sprawling range of vocal talent. Somehow, even the redundant, superficial lyrics of Frosty the Snowman seem profound.

➺ WORST: William Shatner, Shatner Claus (2018) 

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Oh, Bill. The man has been to space, both in reality and in his famous role as Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, but can’t carry a tune or sing in time with his backing tracks.

This 14-track LP is padded with collaborators such as Brad Paisley, Iggy Pop, Joe Louis Walker and Henry Rollins, but not even a verse from Santa Claus himself could save the actor’s cacophonous interpretations of Winter Wonderland, Silent Night and a punk rock version of Jingle Bells.